What a crazy few weeks!

let's see......after the whole "chemical Pregnancy" as the docs call it (I still consider it a baby that I miscarried) we have had some serious conversations about Birth control and Hines #2.

WARNING: I'M ABOUT TO GET REALLY PERSONAL!

There I warned you ;)



I decided to leave the IUD out, you can read below about some of the reasons behind this decision. But I have tried several pill forms of BC and they all throw me WAY off and I am CRAZY. I used the Ring when we first got married but that resulted in Addie (haha). So we thought maybe we would try to get pregnant (not that it is hard for us, apparently) and then Graham 'get fixed' (I LOVE THAT, it's like he is a dog or something,ha!) and I would get my tubes tied also. But we were faced with all the fears of having another one....Have we had enough time with JUST Addie? Will she still get enough attention? Do we have enough money for two(NO! but we didn't have enough money for one either!)? And ofcourse I thought of the stupid stuff, Where will we put another baby(Graham wasn't too keen on the idea of moving, JUST YET)? How will I get to take naps if I have two!? (Stupid, I know!) and I was worried about not getting to buy Addie EVERY cute outfit I can find!

I'm still not convinced we need another baby. I think deep down I want another, but I went through alot to get Addie here. How can I do that while taking care of Addie too? Graham on the other hand WANTS ONE NOW! Easy for him to say he doesn't have to carry it for 8 or 9 months! After much consideration, we have decided to TRY and wait till the end of next summer to get pregnant again. We are planning a trip to Disney World next Spring with Addie. I KNOW, I KNOW she's too young! We think she will LOVE it! She may not remember it when she is 20 but we will. And it's NOT going to be the only time she gets to go (we plan on every other year as the kids grow up). Graham and I have always agreed, trips are IMPORTANT. We have taken SEVERAl awesome trips.

Pregnant? Not Pregnant? Pregnant?

Sunday night- I wasn't feeling myself so I took a pregnancy test.......it was faintly positive! After freaking out for alittle while I became concerned because I have an IUD.

Monday- I called as soon as they opened and told my doctor what was going on...they told me to come on in as soon as I could. At my appointment they did 2 urine test....both negative. So they did an ultrasound..negative (but did find a large cyst). To MAKE SURE I wasn't pregnant they did blood work and sent me home. That afternoon the nurse called me back and told me that the bloodwork showed that I was indeed pregnant and I needed to come back in Tuesday. Monday night was very hard. We know we want more babies but this was out of the blue and we weren't ready. I know I know when are you ever ready for a baby? But all of you that have had a shocker know what I mean. I went through the all the "stupid" questions: Have we had enough time with Addie alone? Where would we put another baby? Are we ready to start all over? Finally, after talking with my mom I felt better and by Tuesday I was even alittle excited.

Tuesday- I go back to the doctor and have my IUD removed and make yet another appointment for Wednesday for more bloodwork to determine how far along I am.

Wednesday- I cart Addie and Ellie (with the help of my wonderful cousin Jordan) to the doctors office to have labs drawn. That afternoon I get another call saying the hormone levels went down and it was a "chemical Pregnancy". SERIOUSLY??? I was finally okay with this and excited! So once again I start to cry! (this was seriously the 100th time since Sunday!) It really was for the best because if I was pregnant and the baby was due when I thought it would be, it would have been due right when graham was finishing his MBA....not a good time. We would have made it and it would have been fine but still not ideal. Okay so this brings me to why IUD's are BAD!
A Chemical Pregnancy is an extremely early miscarriage. Most the time this is due to chromosomal problems with the fetus so the body rejects it. It's also a very common thing and even more common with IUD's. In most cases the woman will test positive before she has missed a period (very early) but a miscarriage occured before you can see the heartbeat on an ultrasound. Most women don't even know this happens. -that's what scared me the most, could this have been happening every month? could I have been pregnant several time and the stupid IUD miscarry it? OH MY GOODNESS! What am I doing to my children!
With all this said, I want to encourage every woman out there THINKING of an IUD to reconsider. Granted I loved the IUD until I found all this out....and it probably does say it in all the information they give you to read before you get one but who really reads that? I don't want anyone else going through this, I had a miscarriage in November due to my IUD but didn't have it taken out (it wasn't the same situation as this time, the baby was further along. My doc also told me it can take a few months for the IUD to get in perfect position). Oh how I wished I had just taken it out then. So please, research the IUD's before jumping into it, there are alot of things that can happen with it. So many that some doctors won't use them! That says something in itself! I'd be glad to share more of my experience with you if you are thinking of an IUD, so please let me know.
Thank you for the prayers this week. I am better today knowing that God is in control and he does everything for a reason. That sure is a hard concept to take in huh? We are better and will just continue to get better. If you could still keep us in your prayers the next few weeks that would be great. Thanks again!